Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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