I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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