just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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