I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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