Where did you get a picture of my penis
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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