wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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