turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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