Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
