I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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