Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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