i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
