his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
