Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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