maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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