i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
