this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
