You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
