Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
