Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
