I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
