oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
