Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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