She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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