who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
