She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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