I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
