all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
