12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
