Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
