I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
