I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
