Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My balls are so social today.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
