Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
