i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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