Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
