I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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