i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My life is pants optional.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
