Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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