He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
