New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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