I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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