cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
