Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
