He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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