I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
