I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
