there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
