Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
