Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
