Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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