were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
