i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
