Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
