He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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