Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
