we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
