Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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