Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
