We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
