Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
