For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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