So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
