Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want nice things and good sex
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
