she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
