she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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