No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wear drunk well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
