He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
