'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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