At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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