Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize