matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
