Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
