if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
my poor anus
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
