Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
