i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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