I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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