Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
