I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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