Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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