DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
