I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize