Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're a waste of cheezeits
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize