she woke up with a sticky ear
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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