My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
COCAINE IS GR8
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize