How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
