she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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