new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
