I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize