So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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