if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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