I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
