How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
