I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
