Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
