Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
