my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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